The Rest Is Still Unwritten

Well, I'm 42 years young and without a partner or the desire to adopt as a single parent. That is how I feel today and I pray these conditions change to welcome a child deserving of my love and zeal and vice versa.
(All children are deserving of such...)

A song was playing in the background and I heard the lyrics "...the rest is still unwritten..." played and it prompted me to blog about how life is everchanging. Minute to minute, day to day, year to year...we plan to the letter and moment, and God has His plans for us. It makes no sense to quarrel with Him; instead, be still and listen to when he whispers gently in your ears. Sooner versus later, the blueprint will unfold and clarity will appear.

I'm embracing the world as trite as it sounds...my eyes are wide open; I'm willing to take leaps - small and grand - of faith into the dark and know that I'll land on my well-insulated cushion.

Tomorrow seems hazy, and it is still unwritten. So, for today, I'm revel in what I have and be grateful!

It's Time to Start Embracing the Life that is Calling Me...

The title alone is sufficient...in time its true meaning will unfold and the story will be told...I urge you to heed its message as well. Go forward and be free. One love, S

365 days of wondering

It's been a little of a year since my Zen went back to God's embrace and I still flood my pillow with tears wondering why she's not part of my everyday hustle. Surely it's easier to long for what you have no responsibility in doing, but I'd love to feed her, wash her skin, teach her to form words and watch her eye gaze at me. The smile from a child and the touch of their small fingers grazing against your face is priceless. I'm in love with my children that didn't make it to earth; that didn't take a breath, but instead filled me with life and potential. I KNOW, without a shadow of doubt, or fear of contradiction, that I was going to be their best mother. No one can tell me differently; their fullest potentials were going to be met.

Zen's dad and I were reminiscing yesterday of her time in utero and I know he hurts; how couldn't he? We imagined our babies would be perfect combinations of our best features. (I'm sure all parents do this vain act of creating their perfect masterpieces in flesh.)

Well, for now, I'll sleep with the image of Zen's round face, dark features, olive skin, curly locks and exotic piercing eyes smiling at me...I see her often; I'm sure she's fine. Her brother Rohan must be taking good care of her and their other siblings...

The wondering never stops; it just intensifies.

Lioness is on the Rise

We are 22 days into 2011 and the roller coaster of emotions still persists; joy to be around family and cherished friends; appreciation for well-intentioned work; ability to wake every day with the opporunity to make that day better than the one before, and then the empty feeling that mothehood will escape me. I know better to harbour the latter thought; we manifest our thoughts and I'm sure that negative energy is multiplying itself the more I think of it.

For today, I'll enjoy being an aunt, cousin and big sister to many.

The new thought is this lioness is on the rise!