No Crying in Vain

Our purpose on Earth should be determined at some point, or some points, in our lifetime. Lately, with not even an inkling of provocation or search have I recognized perhaps my purpose. It's sweet, it's bitter, it's sad, it's rewarding and it gives me hope. Today I cried at the thought of a family having lost their father, their husband, their brother, their son, their uncle - my uncle. Then, later in the day, I fought back tears talking to a sweet woman who also experienced the tragic loss of her baby. Once we ended our call my eyes flooded with tears and a pang of emptiness because my babies weren't beside me or in the next room sleeping. But I realized I didn't cry in vain. My tears of sadness will always flow, this I know. The thought of my little ones robbed of their full life's potential or the sight of babies and toddlers abound with energy fills my eyes. Most times, these are tears of hope and joy for what I assume their parents or grandparents experience having them near. But I am reminded that my need, desire to be a mother may not come in the wrapping or delivery of my choosing, but by God's design. I won't let my crying be in vain. These tears that I've shed will have cleared my eyes so see tomorrow's possibilities. I am a mother. A great mother! The child God and I choose to accept me as their own will be blessed, loved, doted on, cherished, respected, loved some more, shared with the best-intentioned people, taught responsibly, nourished well, and dare I say, loved some more! I'll begin looking into adoption and perhaps then, and only then, will God send me my partner with whom I'll take this journey. Never will I forget the man who helped me create our babies and who shared in the tragedies of their loss and who has comforted me to this day. He is indeed my Lucky charm. No more crying in vain!