It's Time to Start Embracing the Life that is Calling Me...

The title alone is sufficient...in time its true meaning will unfold and the story will be told...I urge you to heed its message as well. Go forward and be free. One love, S

365 days of wondering

It's been a little of a year since my Zen went back to God's embrace and I still flood my pillow with tears wondering why she's not part of my everyday hustle. Surely it's easier to long for what you have no responsibility in doing, but I'd love to feed her, wash her skin, teach her to form words and watch her eye gaze at me. The smile from a child and the touch of their small fingers grazing against your face is priceless. I'm in love with my children that didn't make it to earth; that didn't take a breath, but instead filled me with life and potential. I KNOW, without a shadow of doubt, or fear of contradiction, that I was going to be their best mother. No one can tell me differently; their fullest potentials were going to be met.

Zen's dad and I were reminiscing yesterday of her time in utero and I know he hurts; how couldn't he? We imagined our babies would be perfect combinations of our best features. (I'm sure all parents do this vain act of creating their perfect masterpieces in flesh.)

Well, for now, I'll sleep with the image of Zen's round face, dark features, olive skin, curly locks and exotic piercing eyes smiling at me...I see her often; I'm sure she's fine. Her brother Rohan must be taking good care of her and their other siblings...

The wondering never stops; it just intensifies.